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Hey everyone! So there is this amazing event coming up in a couple months that I decided I want to talk to you all about because it holds a special importance to me. The event is a festival called Leeds. Leeds is an annual music festival that takes place during the bank holiday weekend in August. It is a three day festival and is a lot of fun so I recommend it to anyone who has never gone. The reason I decided to talk about Leeds is because it holds a big significance to Harry and I.

Harry and I went to the Leeds Festival together in 2011, just the two of us. At that point, we'd been a couple for about ten months. Up until this point things had been fine with our relationship and we weren't really having to hide much. We were free to act however we wanted and say whatever we wanted. We were just teenagers who loved each other having a blast. We spent those three days just being ourselves. We were able to share clothes, sleep in the same tent, tromped around in the mud together and just enjoyed the shows together. We were able to flirt up a storm in public and no one paid one bit of attention to us.

Leeds holds a big significance to us and our relationship. One of the biggest reasons is because that was pretty much the last time we were really able to be ourselves and be carefree in public together. Soon after Leeds was when management began to crack down on "Larry Stylinson" the ship name for Harry and I. From the very beginning, the fans have been able to see the love we have for each other. Neither of us are very good at hiding how we feel about each other. The way we look at each other, act around each other, talk to each other, it all gives it away how we feel. Shortly after Leeds was when management began pulling Eleanor into the picture as a fake girlfriend. They believe that the image of Harry and I possibly being more than friends would ruin our careers.

After Eleanor came into the picture things changed. Of course when we're not in public we're free to do whatever we wish. In the public eye however, we have to act straight. Eleanor is my fake girlfriend of around a year and a half I believe? I honestly don't even remember when we supposedly got together, when asked during interviews I've often had to rely on the help of my bandmates to remember. In the beginning having a fake girlfriend was really hard on our relationship and caused a good number of arguments. As time has gone by it's gotten a little easier. It's definitely not something we're happy about having to deal with, but I will do whatever it takes to keep him as mine. We may have to hide our relationship, but it definitely doesn't stop us from stealing little touches or making heart eyes at each other from across the room when we're separated during interviews or shows. We're naturally drawn to one another and no matter how hard we may try to act straight and keep our distance from one another...it's just not possible. Honestly, we don't even care anymore to really try much. We're constantly rebelling against management and pushing our limits as much as possible.

Enough about that though, moving on to more about Leeds. Following the festival, Harry wore the Leeds bracelet pretty religiously. It became sort of a symbol of our love and the time we were able to enjoy just being ourselves and not having to hide who we really are and who we love. It wasn't long before the bracelet broke, but Harry simply taped it together and continued to wear it for probably around a year or more. Finally, he retired the bracelet and replaced it with a tattoo that reads "I can't change" which I eventually matched with " " meaning ditto. The words come from a song called "Make it stop" by Rise Against, a band that Harry and I saw together during Leeds. The song is about anti-gay bullying and fighting for the right to be yourself. It was a song that definitely spoke to us and our fight to be together despite what management says. Another tattoo Harry got after Leeds is "Won't stop 'till we surrender" which is similar to the lyrics of another song we heard at Leeds, "Sweet Dispostion" by The Temper Trap. The song is about a couple who is fighting to be together and how they won't give up and nothing can tear them apart. Again, it's a song that definitely spoke to us and he decided to get.

This brings me to the point of all of this, which is that Harry and I were talking earlier and decided we wanted to go to the Leeds festival again this year. It's been two years since we were there and it's something that holds a huge importance to us so it's very exciting that we'll get to go back again. We've decided to invite our mum's along with us. They're the best of friends and act like teenage girls when they're together and we know they'll absolutely love going to the festival. I'm hoping maybe we'll be able to just escape for a couple of days. We're known a lot more than we were two years ago so I know we're still going to have to be careful to some degree. However, those three days are going to be all about us and nothing else. We're going to enjoy the festival and our time with each other and our mums and just have a blast and relive the memories we had together two years ago.

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One morning I woke up feeling unusually tired as I had been recently. I'd been feeling sick for a while but just assumed I was probably getting the flu and of course when you're sick you always feel drained and exhausted. At first I assumed that being tired was probably just my body trying to finish recovering since I had been feeling a little bit better the day before and I didn't feel nauseous yet that morning. After heading down to the kitchen and starting to make myself something to eat for breakfast I suddenly got hit with a nauseous feeling out of no where. Just moments before I had felt fine, which left me feeling puzzled. After about twenty minutes, it finally dawned on me that I may possibly be pregnant. There had been several other signs lately that like the nausea, I had simply brushed off as being due to other things.

Eventually I managed to find something to eat that didn't aggravate my stomach and then hurried off to the store to get a pregnancy test. The moment I arrived back home, I immediately headed to the bathroom to take the test. It's not hard to take the test, you pee on the little stick and wait for the results, but I was so nervous I found myself sitting there reading the instructions about ten times before I finally started. Honestly, it feels like a hundred years when you are sitting there staring at the little stick, waiting, waiting, waiting for the little sign to pop up. Will it be one line or two? Finally, it appears, two distinct little lines staring back at me.

More than anything, I was in complete shock when those two little lines appeared, staring back at me. Until that morning, it wasn't something I had even thought about possibly happening. One of my friends had mentioned jokingly the possiblilty of me being pregnant due to a couple of the symptoms, but I never thought of it as an actual possibility. Mike and I had talked about children before but it was always a 'when we have kids someday....' or 'sometime in the future...' This whole year has been a rough one for the two of us, things haven't exactly been going the way we hoped. It seemed every time things would start getting better and improving something else would happen and they would drop right back down to rock bottom. Eventually it got to the point where the two of us started talking about splitting up. We began talking about divorce and started the whole process before I even found out I was pregnant. I think if we had managed to keep up trying a little longer, until after I found out we probably wouldn't have given up so soon. I'd like to believe he would want to work things out for the baby as much as I would. After our many talks though we ended up deciding it wasn't worth trying to continue stretching our relationship out if it would just end up the same way. The bad was outweighing the good and it was time for it to end. I was terrified to tell Mike that not only were we getting a divorce but I was also carrying his child. I honestly believe it was the most nerve wrecking thing I had ever done. I can easily get up on stage and perform to a few people to thousands of people. But telling my soon-to-be-ex-husband I'm pregnant? Petrifying. Despite the situation though, I also felt an overwhelming feeling of pure joy and happiness. Being a mother is something that has always been high on my list of things that I wanted out of life. I love children so much and being able to have one of my own is such a miracle. It's not exactly the situation I'd always dreamed of, but things in life rarely are. It's what you make of the situations you're given that matters the most, though.

Being pregnant hasn't been exactly the way I thought it would be. What you expect it to be like and the reality of it all are two completely different things. Everyone hears pregnancy stories all the time, both in real life and in tv shows and movies. I don't know about anyone else but I've always kind of downsized them and put a lot of the stories off as being exaggerations. Of course the morning sickness sounds horrible, who wants to be sick continuously and not be able to do a damn thing about it? NO ONE of course! The thing is, you can feel perfectly fine one moment and the next want nothing more than to just sit in the bathroom all day long. You may feel like eating nothing at all, or it may just be one particular food or even smell that can set you off. And the worse part is, it's constantly changing! One food or smell might bother you one day and the next you will be craving it. Another thing that is always being talked about is the hormones and how much it affects women's emotions. I always just kind of laughed these stories off and told myself I would never get emotional like that when I was pregnant. But until you are actually pregnant, you honestly don't comprehend it and realize how uncontrollable it really is. I could go on and on about these differences but maybe I will talk about more of them another time.

I've already decided in my next update I'm going to write a letter to the baby so I'm only going to briefly talk about this next part because I'm sure I will be rambling on about it in the letter. But any of you who have never been pregnant, it really is impossible to understand how amazing it feels to be carrying a child. Resting a hand on your stomach and being able to feel the baby moving around. Being able to close your eyes and imagine what the baby might look like when it's born, or what it's going to feel like the first time you get to see the baby, hold the baby, and all the many firsts that are going to come after it's born. Knowing that tiny little infant's life is dependant on your care and love. That you are the baby's entire life at this point in time. It's the best feeling in the world. You will never experience anything that will give you a better feeling than being a parent.

Love is something that most people strive to achieve. It’s a desire that we all want deep down, even those who tell themselves they don’t need it. Love is something that is hard to describe in words. Not really hard, more like impossible. There are just so many parts to it and it’s so complex that word’s can’t explain it. This also explains why it can be such a hard thing. Finding that special someone who you can’t live without. Who means everything in the world to you and you would give up sacrifices for. God showed the ultimate power of love by sacrificing his son. If you aren’t willing to make sacrifices for the person you claim to be in love with, you’re not really in love.

I was fortunate enough to find a girl at thirteen years old who I would fall in love with. Thirteen years old, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that we couldn’t possibly have truly been in love at that young. Despite what you may believe, we were. The whole ‘Love at first sight’ thing is still around today though many people don’t believe in it. I am one of the people who have always believed it is possible. I’m glad I’m one of the people who still believe in it because it seemed to have happened for Miley and I. If you may have noticed, I can be a bit of a shy guy sometimes. I will put up my little invisible curtain around me and talk as little as possible or not open up much until I get to know you a lot better. The first time I met Miley, I had never been so nervous around any other girl. My heart was racing at what felt like a thousand miles an hour, about to explode out of my chest. My stomach was fluttered with butterflies. When I spoke you could tell all of this through my even squeekier than normal voice. I felt like a complete fool at first, but Miley didn’t seem to mind. It didn’t take much time at all before I felt comfortable with her and we became best friends and even started dating. I had never met a girl quite like her, and to this day, I still can’t really say I have. She is quite an amazing person and is definitely one of a kind.

Throughout our relationship, Miley and I did our best to hide what was going on from the public. I’m the kind of guy who would rather keep things like my girlfriend private and out of the public eye. It obviously didn’t work so well as there were always rumors and pictures going around especially after we’d broken up when even more began to circulate. ‘ve come to the conclusion that our love was just too strong it was hard for us to stay away from each other enough to make it appear as only friends. Looking back on things, I wish we had just gone public and told everyone. It would have been a hell of a lot easier and we would have been a lot happier than standing there pretending we were only friends, occasionally throwing looks to each other. Wanting to hold each other, wanting to be able to kiss or hug or other small gestures without the media having a hay day about it. The media found out in the end and if I had known at the time they would, I may have considered things differently.

Never-the-less, those two years we spent together were the best of my life. I discovered what being in love was like and how it felt. I learned a lot about love, though there is so much to learn about love it is impossible to learn it all. Over those two years it was also all the more time to get closer to my best friend which only made it even more amazing. No matter what happens between us, Miley and I are best friends for life. Some people say this and only remain best friends for a year or two then just forget it and their best friend turns into nothing but a memory. Miley and I will never be that situation. We can’t live without each other, not that I would even want to. She’s an amazing girl so anyone who would want to live without her is mental. However, things began clicking into place with the Jonas Brothers and we began taking off faster. I soon had no time to myself, let alone to spend with Miley.

After a lot of thinking, as well as a lot of mental arguments with myself, I finally decided it would be the best to break up with Miley. It hurt me to pull myself away from the girl who was everything to me. I wanted nothing but to stay with her and never leave her side, never break up with her, but I decided it was for the best. It wasn’t fair to keep her wishing and longing to me with me when she was what seemed like a universe away. I knew she loved me just as much as I love her, but it just wasn’t fair. I felt like a bad guy keeping her locked up and from being able to see other guys while I was away. And since we are so young, I wanted her to be able to have that chance to see other people despite how jealous it would make me if I saw pictures of her with anyone else. After we broke up, I was crushed. Even though I was the one who had broken up with her, I was still in love with her and I knew this was hurting her a lot. I wanted anything but to hurt her, but I was following what my heart told me was best.

Miley mentioned in her entry about the photos she’d sent me while we were dating and ended up being circulated around the internet. I felt like saying something about them since they were originally taken and meant for me and my eyes only. Everyone has their own opinions on what they think of the pictures. Personally, I think the media as well as everyone out there need to get over the damn pictures. The first time they leaked I could see them making a big deal out of it since we all know how much the media loves to try to make our lives miserable and get as much bad stuff about us as possible. But every time another picture is leaked and it’s all OMG SHES ALMOST NAKED IN THEM again. Is it supposed to surprise you all over again? They’ve seen the previous ones. Most of the ones that are coming out now (with the exception of the shower one in a way) aren’t even as bad as some of the others. So she’s not the perfect little angel they thought she was and expect her to be. I doubt any of us the media thinks of as perfect little angels are even close to as innocent as what we’re thought to be. We’re teenagers, people. We have hormones to deal with, we’re getting older and experimenting things, it’s normal. Get over it. It’s only exaggerated so much because we’re in the public eye. I’m sure plenty of kids at any chosen high school have taken the same kinds of pictures, if not, far worse pictures. Is it a big deal? No, because they’re not in the eye of the public. Miley is covered in every one of the pictures. It’s nothing you wouldn’t see from just going to the swimming pool and seeing girls wearing so there shouldn’t be any big deal about it. The media just does it because they can and they love to make us suffer.

Back to Miley and ‘s relationship, we ended up getting together again a little over two months ago. I was thrilled to have her back in my life as more than just a friend again. Throughout the time we’d been broken up, it was impossible to get her off of my mind. It’s been impossible to get her off my mind since the day we met. There isn’t a day goes by that I don’t think about her. I felt alive again. Any time I’m not with her, I don’t feel whole. During the two years of being together, she took a piece of my heart and filled with her own. That part of my heart will never be able to be replaced. Miley was my first true love and it is impossible to get rid of no matter how long I may live. When we got back together, I tried to pick things back up from where we had left them off at. The first time we were together I had had many mental arguments with myself. I knew I was in lover with Miley and I knew she felt the same way. I wanted to be able to physically show her how much I loved her. The problem was, the purity vow. This was important to not only my parents, but also myself. I didn’t want to do something foolish I would end up regretting the next morning or a week later or even a month later. I wanted to make sure then things got to that point, I was doing it with someone who deserved it. ‘d finally settled in my mind that I was ready to take that step with Miley, if she wanted. I wasn’t going to try to force anything upon her she didn’t want to, but if she wanted to, I was willing to do it. We ended up not doing anything, however, when we got back together, my decision was also picked right back up again. Looking back on it, I wish we had waited a bit longer. If we had waiting even a few days to a week later, things may have been different. Who knows. Never-the-less, I want to mention that I refuse to regret what happened. I do wish we had waiting a bit so possibly things may have worked out better, but I enjoyed every minute of it and I spent that special time with someone who I was in love with and meant the world to me.

Time went on and we seemed to get a bit carried away with things at times. I’m not going to try to say I didn’t enjoy every minute of it, because I did. I compared our relationship to others and I began to frighten myself. Things had gotten more physical and less emotional and it started to scare me. I was in love with Miley, with no doubt, but things were getting too physical. I didn’t want my love to turn into lust and all I could think about was what if that happened. I follow my heart when I make decisions, sometimes too quickly. I need to start involving my mind as well when I make decisions. I should have gone to Miley and told her. The problem was, I was freaking out inside. I was confused and scared. I felt almost like ‘d lost control of myself and I wasn’t Nick anymore. I broke up with Miley out of fear and confusion. At the time I hadn’t thought of trying to talk to her before hand. When I broke up with her I was still so confused and scared I couldn’t even explain to her why I was breaking up with her. I promised her that I wasn’t breaking up with her for anyone else and that I just needed some time to myself. I was again crushed with having to break up with the girl I was in love with. I was mad at myself for letting things get to the point they had. I was confused and scared because I still wanted nothing to be with Miley but I needed to figure things out in my mind. I finally got things settled in my mind but I knew Miley was still hurting from the breakup. I was still hurting from the breakup. I tried to put myself away from Miley as much as possible. We didn’t talk though it didn’t make much difference. It’s impossible to escape that woman. I was constantly thinking about her, seeing her online, on tv, on the radio, at the stores. It was impossible to get away. Eventually I gave in and stopped trying to avoid her apart from talking to her. I decided if she wanted to talk, she could come to me. I didn’t want to make things worse for her. If she was doing alright away from me, I didn’t want to interfere and possibly make things harder on her. I never wanted to hurt her. That is the last thing in the world I want to do to her.

After breaking up with her for the second time, I learned a lot from my mistakes. ‘ve learned to start using my brain more rather than purely my heart. Sometimes my heart can get a bit confused and I need my mind to help set it straight. ‘ve learned from now on if there’s any kind of problem to talk about it before I jump to breaking up. Even if it’s something that is confusing or scary as it had been for me, I need to talk things over in the future so I wouldn’t make the same mistake again. ‘ve also learned that in the future ‘ll need to work to find the happy balance between emotional and physical. If things start getting too physical again, I can remain calm this time and talk it over so we can find the happy balance.

On our new album, A Little Bit Longer, I included a song that ‘d originally written after Miley and I broke up the first time. After our second break up, I edited a few things to perfect it and we decided to record it and put it on the album. The song is called "Sorry". If you want to know what it’s about, ‘ll leave you to listen for yourself. ‘ve linked it up to youtube for you if you want to listen.

After everything that Miley and I have been through, we are still best friends. Nothing could ever strip her of that title. If she found one way or another to hate me and actually truly mean it, I would still love her all the same and I would still consider her my best friend. She’s the one that is always there for me. Even if we’re in the middle of a heated argument, I know that if I really needed her, she would just drop it all in the blink of an eye and do what she could to help me. During the time when we were on tour together there would be times when she was in the middle of something when my diabetes would start giving my problems. My family and I would sit in the back of the bus trying pump after pump that wouldn’t work. I would be scared and frustrated and Miley would drop whatever she was doing at the time, no matter how important, to come sit with me until we finally found a pump that would work and I could assure her that I would be alright. She’s always there when I need her, without even having to even ask. Through everything in our past, she still means the world to me. If you fuck with her, you’re fucking with me and I won’t be happy about it. I would do anything for her in the blink of an eye. She will always be one of the biggest parts of my life.